Sunday, September 05, 2004

Canada's Marshal Art, CBC Roundup Letter

A "Sadgoat" letter for Jan 15 2003, you have to love CBC's "Roundup"

The call goes out for a Truly Canadian Martial Art.
There can only be one. It would be CanDo

A secret art practiced by many but mastered by few. There are several moves and stances that could only be Canadian,

THE MOOSE: Stand with both feet firmly planted shoulder width apart. Place the thumb of each hand on the your temples, fingers outstretched like the antlers of the noble moose. When your opponent comes within striking distance either bellow like a rutting animal or stick your tongue out and scream "Neener Neener Neener"!

THE CANADA GOOSE: With both arms down by your sides crane your neck back and forth, as you stretch your neck back ready to strike your opponent will surely turn and try to flee, at this point take your hand of choice and rapidly and firmly pinch their buttocks letting out a familiar Honk of victory!

THE BEAVER: This is a close quarter move, and should only be done in very tight spaces. As the opponent is coming along side of you swing your tail around and knock them off balance. If the maneuver is executed properly the resounding smack will notify other CANDO masters of inherent danger.

THE LOONIE: This is a last resort maneuver. Should your assailant be relentless and all of your other maneuvers have failed...... throw loonies in the direction of the assailant and run the other way.

There are always rules of etiquette to be followed in any art. Remember to apologize profusely, offer assistance when the opponent is down and out and after all other negotiations fail, offer to take them to Timmies for a donut and a cup of coffee, we are after all the most civilized of all nations.

Carl Hird-Rutter Chilliwack BC


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